matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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