I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
