Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
