So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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