I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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