Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize