he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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