I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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