so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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