Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
