Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
