Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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