I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize