I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
