Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
