def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
