i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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