I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize