So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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