god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
