Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
