Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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