Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You are the jesus of drinking
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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