Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
