Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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