mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
