so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
oh god was she eating orange peels again
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
