I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
