let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
