What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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