just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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