Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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