I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
