Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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