Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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