it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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