the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
