I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
