His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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