i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
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