im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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