The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
