the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize