Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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