Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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