Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
