i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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