I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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