so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
