Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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