All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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