she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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