I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize