shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
