bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I will be naked everywhere
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
