you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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