Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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