Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
