Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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