I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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