im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
