ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She's the barista slut.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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