'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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