i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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