Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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