So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
