history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
