I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
