OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
are you so shy because you have an std?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
