Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
