Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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