Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
