She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
