He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
