She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
