hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
