ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
accomplished twins. life is a go
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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