I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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