Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
